May has poignant memories...

Beside my text is the picture of my brother Peter that I carry over my heart on every AIDS ride. Yes, it's the picture of him that was on his memorial card and I chose that over other miscellaneous photos of him, since AIDS took his life and that was the sorrowful reason that I began riding. So, I ride in Peter's memory and to honor his legacy of loving, lifelong learning, courageous journey through his painful path, and oh, so much laughter along the whole way, even through tears.

Peter died on May 11, 1995 - over 14 years ago now; and yet, his loss still feels so new and raw, that the time seems to poke along. While I choose to celebrate Peter Harding's life - his birthdate is October 5th - I cannot ignore altogether the circumstances and experiences of this time 14 years ago. May 11th that year was on a Thursday and I had the very unwelcome task of calling my Mother from Peter's bedside, to gently tell her this sad, sad, sad news. When Mother's Day came that year, my Mother was then with me, in Santa Rosa, CA, where Peter lived and I remember us attending church at the cathedral together, clinging to each other for some comfort in this senseless loss.

Theresa, who began as Peter's hospice nurse, but quickly became a loving friend, was a huge comfort also and we smiled through our tears as we affirmed his strong will and example of not only how to live with AIDS, but he provided the same in his dying. Peter fervently wanted to stay at home in his cozy cottage (he's say "cozy just means 'small', but I love my home!"), and that he did. He was in his own bed, even requesting to hear "Motown", as he loved listening to music constantly; he slipped away peacefully while Marvin Gaye was serenading us with 'How sweet is is to be loved by you"...indeed, Peter, indeed!

Peter's been my road angel - on every ride - for every mile - since 1997 - whether I'm enjoying the whooping/hollering downhills, or tailwinds and also when I'm cursing and groaning on the steep climbs, never-ending mountain passes and icky weather days too...

Tailwinds!

Mary

Ride for a Reason - my first AIDS ride...

...way back in 1997, I heard that my employer was going to sponsor an AIDS fundraising ride to benefit some AIDS Service Organizations in the Northwest.

Having been very grateful for the caring support and services that Peter had received from his community AIDS resources, I was interested in helping out, kind of assuming that I could coordinate the employee volunteer involvement as I had done on some previous AIDS walks and such.

The ride was planned for August, 1997; to be a 4-day, 50 miles/day ride starting in Vancouver, British Columbia and ending on the Seattle waterfront. No way/no how did I even consider that I'd be a rider!!! Although I did have a bike, it spent most of it's time relaxing inside, venturing out only once or twice a year when I'd go for a short ride with friends to the brewpub via a local trail. Then the question was: 'how're we getting the bikes back?', as a few miles followed by pizza and a few beers with friends was the max for this very recreational rider ;)

The idea started to grow in me though...just a fleeting consideration at first (what if I did do the ride?), then finding myself pulling the pretty blue Peugeot hybrid bike out for a ride around my neighborhood - gasping on the mild inclines on the return ride and wondering what in the world was I thinking?! I kept going out for a ride though, a few times a week...each a bit longer than the last, but still only on the trail or in the parking lots of local office parks on the weekends (no roads or traffic for me!).

It was about 4 months prior to the ride when I came to a decision, based on wanting to face this physical challenge and do the ride to honor Peter in a unique way that would be very hard as well as very meaningful for me.

So, I found myself on the start line of my first AIDS ride - with Peter's picture worn over my heart, in August, 1997, in Vancouver, B.C., about 1200 other riders milling about - VERY nervous about whether I'd really be able to do this!

I noticed the woman next to me leaning closer to look at Peter's picture and when she stood up, she said, "I know that's your brother; I was looking at the date, as my brother Bret died a week before Peter". That's when I met my best ride buddy ever - Tracy! Tracy and her sister Tammie were both riding in their first AIDS ride too, plus, she lived in the Seattle area also!

Since then Tracy and I have pedaled thousands of miles together in training as well as the AIDS rides themselves along with raising - with your generous help - thousand$ to support AIDS research, education and services too.

Tracy and I agree that our brothers must find our partnership quite amusing as neither one of us had ever attempted anything like this before; we noted the 10th anniversary of our meeting while on last year's Empire State AIDS ride...here's to the love and devotion of sisters.
Tailwinds!
Mary

Let's start at the very beginning...

Many of you are only too aware that AIDS took someone very precious from me: my wonderful brother, Peter. Peter and I were lifelong best friends, giggle partners and generally like-minded, very, very close, even in our adult years.

Some time after Peter had been volunteering at the largest soup kitchen in NYC, he started an organization to publicize the plight of our homeless and hungry in the US called Feed America Now (F.A.N.). He then walked across the country (yes!), beginning on the steps of the NYC public library in August, 1988 and arriving in Los Angeles, CA in March of 1989. My Mom gave me the terrific opportunity to fly to Chicago and meet him in October, 1988, so that I could walk with him for a few days (BIGtime thanks again to my manager at the time, Diane, for allowing me to leave at a very busy time for our business!). He carried a backpack and used a walking stick, lovingly made for him by a dear friend and averaged about 25 miles/day - generally taking each Sunday off in order to attend local services in each of the communities he visited and oftentimes being asked by local church and community leaders to speak about his walk and efforts.

Well, by the 2nd day I was sporting some painful blisters and wondering how I could artfully wiggle out of my 5-day commitment...but just watching my kid brother walk along in front of me - mile after mile, tall and strong, entertaining me by singing Broadway show tunes (we grew up in a NYC suburb and Peter was very active in amateur theatrical productions), and chatting it up, I was both shamed into as well as inspired by him, so I stuck with it and was sad to leave him and head back home, after accompanying him to southern Illinois.

Since he was 'on the road' for Thanksgiving and Christmas '88, we celebrated all when he visited Seattle after his walk.

Only a few short years later, AIDS attacked those strong legs of his and the painful irony is that Peter could barely walk 6 years later when it took his life in May, 1995.

He remains my inspiration as I continue cycling in the hope of ending AIDS in our world and he's surely with me for every turn of my pedals too.

Here's an article that was in the UCSF publication recently; I'll share more about meeting Tracy on my very 1st AIDS ride effort, way back in 1997 and many of our adventures since in other posts...

Wednesday, 05 March '08

Two Women Prepare for Empire State AIDS Ride in Memory of their Brothers

By Jeff Sheehy

Many types of events have sprung up over the years to support the fight against HIV/AIDS — walks, marathons, and long distance bike rides. Two women from Seattle were standing next to each other at the starting line on one of the first AIDS bike rides from Vancouver to Seattle in 1997, when one looked at the photo card hanging from a lanyard around the other’s neck and said, “I know you’re riding for your brother. So am I.” The two dedicated women from the Seattle area, Tracy Daugherty and Mary Harding, lost their brothers, Bret and Peter, to AIDS in the mid-1990s.

That brief verbal exchange started a lasting friendship and a commitment to fighting HIV/AIDS that not only honored their brothers, but also turned ordinary bicycles and the will of two women into potent weapons against the disease that had robbed them of their beloved siblings.

A decade later, having ridden up and down parts of both coasts and having raised thousands of dollars for a great many worthy beneficiaries, including UCSF’s AIDS Research Institute (ARI), they visualize their brothers up on some cloud giggling at them and wondering just how long these ladies are going to keep this up.
With Mary’s son and Tracy’s daughter and son helping out as support crew members for this year’s ride, not only are they keeping up, but they are inspiring another generation to pick up the torch -- a source of pride, but bittersweet because this fight is tragically still so far from over.
Riding again this August in the 560-mile Empire State AIDS Ride from Niagara Falls to the foot of Manhattan and riding to support UCSF’s AIDS Research Institute’s Breakthrough Fund, Mary and Tracy’s team, the ARI Breakthrough Riders, are looking for a few good folks to join them.
The Empire State AIDS Ride, limited to only 100 riders, is by far the best one that Mary and Tracy have participated in—and they should know, having ridden all over North America on many different rides. Eighty percent of the funds raised go to beneficiaries—a critical point if one knows the somewhat checkered history of AIDS bike rides. The Empire State AIDS Ride was created by a rider for riders, so its safe, comfortable and fun.
“This ride guarantees a week you will never forget,” Harding said. “It is intimate, in part due to the 100-rider limit. They provide all the support you will need along the route, including ‘SAG’ cars to pick you up if you need to quit for the day, great food, lots of liquids, bike mechanics, massage therapists, medics, and friends you will make for life.”
“You will return feeling so incredible in body, spirit, and heart. You will meet amazing people and leave with pride for truly having made a difference,” Daugherty said.
Each rider must raise a minimum of $3,500 and cover the cost of transportation to and from New York.
In addition, organizers are working to secure a gift match for a challenge between the ARI Breakthrough Riders raising money for UCSF and a team raising money for Harvard.
To register or to get more information, go here.
Related Links:
AIDS Research Institute at UCSF

Hardingsride - part deux!

Hello all, it's been some years ago now since I used to keep a training journal for my AIDS rides, so this is a reincarnation of sorts. I'll again try to keep an updated log of my efforts to train for this year's Empire State AIDS ride, while also preventing the journal from being a boring log of where I ride and what I eat! (Actually, I am truly blessed to be able to have enjoyed rides in some gorgeous locales, as well as majoring in good eats too!)

Seriously, it does take a lot of time to plan where to ride, prep to ride, then actually pack the car with all that I need to ride, travel to the ride start, etc, etc. When my younger son was in high school and I'd share with him what my weekend training ride plans were, he quickly ascertained that I'd "pretty much be gone all day"...uh, right! It still takes a significant time commitment, even though both boys are grown men now, as I have to rebuild my strength and endurance each season. I'll fill you in more as I go...

Tailwinds,Mary